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Who says men don't remember anniversaries!!!
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in
their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for
him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of
coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She
watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his
coffee. 'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into
the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'Do you remember 20 years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 16?' he asks solemnly.
'Yes I do' she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you
remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun
in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send
you to jail for 20 years'?'
'I remember that too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said
'I would have gotten out today.'
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER
'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in
the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink
this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be
shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'
~ Jack Handy
'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. '
'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.'
~ Henny Youngman
'24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.'
~ Stephen Wright
'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but
the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.'
~ Dave Barry
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo
Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: 'Well ya see, Norm, it's
like this A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest
buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest
ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good
for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest
members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as
fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few